Vacation count down!

Excited about heading out to see Shar and Gabe. Hard to sleep.

We had a wonderful lil pre christmas thing at my grandparents so that my cousins and aunts and uncles could give them their presents and watch them open it. John's birthday is also on tuesday too so he got a couple of birthday presents as well. They loved it! It was a very fun evening. A lil something that turned into a big party.

*sighs* I better try and get some sleep... so hard though... *huggles self*

The Time is Flying!!!

Oh my! Time has just flown by. Of course work has been uber busy ... christmas at a toy store *shrugs* who would have known >.< . So much has happened since Tori's recital. Let's see if I can recap.

ummmm.... I burned my forearm with a pot of hot coffee! It left a pretty bad first degree burn. I am in the icky part of healing where the skin is forming and peeling off every day. The night i burned it was a night I was also taking Tori and Johnny out to the parade of lights (christmas parade at night with lighted floats). Even though I was burned I just couldn't not take them ... Tori looked at my arm and then looked into my eyes and asked me if I was ok ... her eyes knew that I was hurt pretty bad but was hoping that we would still go to the parade. She was so adorable that I just couldn't let them down. I grabbed a bag of frozen veggies from the freezer and we went to the parade. We had a blast! ^.^

Again work has been very busy. We had our christmas party last sunday. It was sooo much fun! We actually rented a ranch and went horse back riding at night and had smores around a campfire. I got magic cards!!! Yay me! (magic=nerd game) ^.^



Santa came to the store and and me and the kids took some wonderful pictures that I am totally in love with! I need to see if I can get them scanned sometime so I can show them off! They had a great time with him. It's soo wonderful to see them not afraid of him like they use to be. Now they are all excited to see him. I got three great pictures ... one of them even has me in it! ^.^

I was given a very wonderful offer today by my bosses. They can not explain how happy they are with me at the store. They threw out an offer of a salaried position to me. No specifics were mentioned. They have never offered this to anyone. They kind of want to be able to step back from the store and feel safe having someone else run it while they spend more time with their family. They of course know about my relationship with Shar and that I will be moving out there. They said that they were thankful that I have been open with my intentions and they thought that they should offer this as an alternative to whatever my future holds for me. (I have to say that they are actually very happy because I had told them I was leaving in the beginning of march and then that moved to the beginning of June and now it's more like the end of August. They will take every moment that they can get from me and of course I will work as hard as I can for them for as long as I can) I was very flattered and honored by the compliment of them offering me a salaried position. Jessica was very honest and said that they would do what ever it takes to get me into that position...even if it means taking pay cuts themselves. I had to chuckle because one of my bosses stephanie (who is not at all emotional or sentimental) was talking to my other boss Jessica ( who is emotional and sentimental) and told her that she enjoys working with me because things just seem to click when i am here and things get done and everyone is just happier overall. ^.^ But that's me ... I'm wonderfully contagious like that!

I am just about done with my christmas shopping. I need one more big gift for Tori! I am at a loss on what to get her. There is a doll that I keep eyeing but... its a little expensive. 90 bucks... but it's soo beautiful... and she loves dolls... I keep mulling it over and rethinking it... oh well we will see.

I am most excited because in five days I will be flying out to see Shar and Gabe. I miss them soo much. I am sad that I did not have enough money so that Tori and Johnny could come with me :(, however I am glad that I will get to be with my baby again. It's going to be an awesome two weeks. I am looking forward to meeting all the important people in Shar's and Gabe's life! It's a very long list ^.^ . I also am looking forward to kidnapping Beth for a day! She is pretty high up on that list.

OMG! Who am I today?

Wow today has been a day. I was just not me at all. It has been a very long and frustrating day. My mind didn't seem to be working at all causing me to do double work because I would forget things. I was tripping left and right and letting things slip through my fingers. I felt like a 16 year old awkward adolescent growing into his mind and body and nothing seemed to work properly. Gangly limbs flailing like a new born calf trying to walk and incoherent thoughts sputtering about mind like camera flashes trying to light up a stadium. *Chuckles* Come to think of it... I was sexually frustrated like the geeky teen I use to be as well >.< . Despite it all ... today was still a very good day. My bosses and co-workers were great. They all got a good laugh at seeing me ... not me lol. That kept my spirits up really. I was able to finish out the day fine. I am exausted tonight. I didn't even want to attempt making something delicious and healthy to eat and instead went and picked up a peperoni pizza and orange soda for me and the lil ones. I had lots of redecorating plans for tonight but those are definitely out the window. I used my last bit of sanity and strength to get these lil ones bathed and in pajamas. They are coloring with markers as I write this. Tori is showing me her picture of Japanese girl and her name written in Kanji (or at least she thinks it is >.<). When I am done here we are crawling under the blankets and going to watch Dora the Explorer Saves the Snow Princess and then Wall-E .... the same things we watched last night. I know shar would laugh in my face at what I call being at paitence end, lol, but I am all finished tonight ^.^.

A Fathers Moment of Pride.

This Friday was Tori's school talent show. She has been looking forward to this for weeks. When they first announced it she knew right away she wanted to be part of it. She has been practicing one of her most favorite songs, "Tomorrow", from Annie. She looked amazing and so confident. If she was nervous, I could not tell. When she got up on the stage they started playing the wrong song from Annie. They played it for a whole minute. Tori however, was so composed and stood there and tried to sing along to the song that she only knew somewhat. Her aunt Mayra had made there way up to the front and let them know and they finally changed it to the correct song. The videos you are seeing was taken from my camera while simultaneously holding my son Johnny. The first one shows the wrong song being played as well as the fact the wireless microphone wasn't working so they switched her to a wired mic. The second one shows the end of the wrong song and the transition into the correct one. You can hear me and if you listen closely you can hear Johnny singing along with tori as well >.< .

I was soooo proud of my daughter. As a father I looked at her and I got a wonderful feeling. I got the feeling of comfort and pride knowing that my daughter is better than I was when I was her age. I felt like that all the parenting I have been doing showed it's self in the creation of this little being up on that stage. Someone who is not afraid, who is talented, who is composed. It's wonderful being a dad. ^.^

New Perspectives

It seems that the last couple of days have been about seeing new perspectives. I think I have ended it with rearranging my new room. ^.^ There are wonders about rearranging rooms. You get rid of things you don't really need, find lil treasures, make more space, and balance out a living area in your life that in turn really helps balance out your own inner space. And all just with moving a few pieces of furniture, cleaning off a lil dust, and sweeping up a lil dirt.

Trick or Treat!

What a wonderful Halloween! I had off today so I got to sleep in late. I went and voted! ... even though I'm from Texas and this stupid place is so conservative and uptight >.> . Then I went and took cupcakes to Tori's class at the end of the day. ^.^ Her class is sooo polite it tickled me speechless. We came back to McAllen and then got changed. John was Lightening McQueen and tori was Cleopatra. I put a last minute costume together. Love Nerd >.< . We went trick or treating with my mom and aunts and cousins. We went in my Aunt Sylvias neighborhood. It has only four blocks and man did we make out like bandits. And thats because more than half the houses weren't giving anything. Afterwards we went back to my aunts and gorged on Papa John's Pizza (two slices is gorging to me at least). When we got home the lil ones crashed like rocks. I have no idea what i am going to do with this candy? Definitely sending these evil seducing temptations back to Brownsville to Tori's and John's mom instead of keeping it here though.

On a side note... my pet peave about trick or treating.... GET OUT THE DAMN CAR AND WALK PEOPLE! I hate people that drive from house to house stopping to get out and get there candy and then load back up to go to the next house two doors down. I can understand if you drive to a place where you aren't from, but at least park the car, get out, and walk around the neighbor hood. *shakes head sadly* I just don't know now a days. Anyways ^.^ we still had a blast.


p.s. ..... I see orbs in the picture. freaky!

Happy Drinker Drunker!

You know I have to say... I'm a happy drunk! >.<>.< ... the tingly lips usually give it away >.< . Anyways needless to say i was in a happier than usual mood tonight. It was also fun sophisticating up our nerd game of magic with fancy wine glasses and red wine. >.< huggles I luv yall!

The Giggle!

I love giggles. ^.^ An honest giggle will always put a smile on my face. The dictionary defines a giggle as the following:

verb, -gled, -gling, noun –verb (used without object)

1.	to laugh in a silly, often high-pitched way, esp. with short, repeated gasps and titters, as from juvenile or ill-concealed amusement or nervous embarrassment.

–noun

2.	a silly, spasmodic laugh; titter.

I think there is more to this than what the definition tells us. To me a giggle is a burst of happiness that escapes oneself. A giggle is not caused by a joke or tickling but often by some outside source not meant at making you laugh. An example.... when the phone rings with someone you are wanting to talk to on the other line and a burst of excitement and happiness escapes you for a second in a pleasantly cute audible short burst of laughter. Or when someone smiles at you that you adore and its so cute that you have to let it out in a giggle. Things that make you laugh that aren't really intended that way. I know someone with the most adorable giggle that makes my heart flutter and my breath stop for a second. ^.^

Feeding off the Damned!

What I love about Shar is how her enthusiasm and excitement is so contagious! Today she texted about how she is on track with her running progression and ran not one but TWO 8 min intervals in her run during her lunch break! Now... I hate running... ever since the Marines... I have hated it! >.< I have been lifting weights lately and definitely eating much better but running... I tried to do it with her before but we got to a spot where we stopped and she started back up and I never did. But reading her text today just as I was getting off of work got me ubber motivated and instead of just lounging at home like I was planning to do I instead decided to go for a run. ^.^ Hehehe she joked with me saying that perhaps it was the competiveness in me that made me want to go run heheh, and she might be right lol, but I will take that and go with it if it allows me to do something healthy and positive for myself in life!

It's very easy to keep track of distance where I live right now. Since it's out in the country the blocks are exactly 1/2 a mile. My original intention was to run two miles today. I started of running the first 1/2 mile non stop. As I got to the next block I started walking. I thought I would walk the next 1/2 mile but half way through i was already rested and my body wanted to run again so i did. As I got to the end of the second block I could see the light at the end of the third block and something inside me wanted to keep going. When I was in the Marines running three miles is the standard physical test and something inside of me wouldn't stand for anything less. And so I continued one more block running and walking half of the block before turning around again to come back to the starting point. I continued running and walking in 1/4 mile intervals before I got to the last block where I ran the entire 1/2 mile to the end. The three miles took me 40 mins to do. I was just soo happy that I finished and that I didn't quit running that last half mile. My goal is to get my time down to thirty mins for the three miles. I think I have a great starting point. I think one thing I am going to change up for the next run is to not think of my run in distance. In other words ... don't limit myself to walking and running equal distances, I will concentrate on running as much as i can and walking until I am ready to start running again, regaurdless of where I am in the run. ^.^ So yay for feeding off the entusiasm of the damned! >.<

Say My Name!

So I am at my uncles church and I am greeting people and they keep asking me "What's your name?" and that kind of throws me off balance and I have to think for a while before I know what to say. The reason being is .. well .. I have lots of names I guess. My real name is Jose Carlos Perez Jr. But people call me different names. My friends for the most part call me Joe. My family Calls me either Jose or JC. Since I work with my aunt and she calls me JC my bosses and co workers, who are also my friends, call me JC. But if we go back some when I was in the Marines I was called Cpl Perez. And that was pernouned differntly at times, either with a hispanic pernounciation or a anglo pernounciation. Then they gave it a more affectionate twist and changed called me P-Rez. Then there were my buddies in the marines and a group were we called ourselves the crazy 8's, where my club name was Damion Luv. That was funny cause I was still a virgin way until I got out of the marines and no girl ever asked for my name when we went out dancing ^.^ . So I have no peculiarities when it comes to what people want to call me, as long as it is not negative. Even shar knows me and calls me Joe however she has said that I don't seem like a Joe. So I guess I have to practice saying my own name so that when people ask me I don't freeze up like that. Having thought about it I think my answer will be "My friends call me Joe." ^.^

"What happens when we die?" A daughters question.

My daughter asked me in the car today what it is called when some one dies and comes back as a kitty cat. I at first was taken back by the question. Where had she learned that? So as I got my senses back I smiled and I told her that when you die and come back to earth as someone else or something else it is called reincarnation. Many people believe that we are all tied together and when we die something special inside of us continues on to some other life. She smiled and me and said when she dies she is going to come back as a mermaid ^.^ . She asked me what i would come back as and I thought for a second and said I would probably come back as a dolphin. Jon perked up and said he was going to come back as a Shark. And with this topic of life after death out in the open I took an opportunity to go through some beliefs of what happens. I told her how some people believe in heaven and hell. How some people believed in reincarnation. And how some people believed that nothing happens when we die that its just like sleeping and never waking up again. I keep being amazed by Tori every day. She is no longer the little girl I use to know. She is intelligent. It just amazes me so much. I think my talk with about views of life after death was a good one. It was honest and open and allows her to know that there are many points of views out there and that we can never know which is the right one because in the end no one can come back and tell us which one is right.

Personal Growth

I look at myself today amazed at how different I am from just one year ago. Yes many things about me are still the same, my humor, my love for life, my wonderment in trying new things, my sense of family. However, I have grown in so many other ways. I have over come personal issues in leaps in bounds in such a short amount of time that as I look back I can't believe it. While I look back and am very proud of where I have come to be, I know that there is still so much more that I can do to better myself. I look forward living the rest of my life striving to become a better person free from insecurities and truly happy for myself without any co-dependence on any other person what so ever to achieve such happiness. Looking in the past year though, I know I have grown more with in the last twelve months in my life than I had in the last 30 years. I thought I was an amazing person then and was very happy who I was, but now, I feel even more amazing. ^.^

Watchmen

When I was a young teenager I would read non stop. My mom did her best to raise us and at the time cable was a luxury. However, the library was free, and so I would check out books and read until two or three a clock in the morning. As I got older and came to my own in life reading found itself moved into lesser and lesser positions of importance. The Watchmen is the first thing I have read in a very long time that has grasped my attention utterly. I am a third of the way threw it. I know it is a graphic novel, but the story and the characters are just so compelling. The realness of it grips me and I appreciate it so much. Super heroes with problems and issues just like the rest of us. I can't wait to finish it and then appreciate it on the big screen when it comes out.

Me Weekend!

Well yesterday was the best way a me weekend could possibly ever start. I got a raise! A very decent one too. And to boot they added it on to my paycheck yesterday for the last pay period! All though the extra money is DEFINITELY needed, the thing I like most about the raise is the recognition and appreciation of all my hard work that I do there. *warm fuzzies*

After I cashed my check I drove down to Brownsville and paid the bills I had to pay. Then I went shopping downtown in some of the thrift stores and found a very nice pair of slacks to go out dancing in tonight. You think i would be excited about finding them for four bucks, and I was, but I am more excited to let you know that i went down a pant size! I went down from a 40 to a 38. Yay me! I also picked up a birthday gift for Angie, my children's mother and still a close person to me. It was nothing big. A pair of pajama bottoms, and a hoody jacket that was black with pink and grey hearts on it. Shar joked with me saying how I got angie something I would have gotten her for her birthday ^.^. Hehe the truth is though... they are kind of similar in ways. Extremely different though in all the ones that matter <3.

After some shopping, I dropped off Anige's gift to her and wished her a happy birthday and then headed over to the University to visit the Anime Club. I never get a chance to stop by and see them and they miss me terribly. When I get there I find out its pajama day at the club. My friend Jon who was expecting me to come by had brought a pair of over sized pajamas for me to wear lol. Of course i put them on and joined the fun! I always love the expressions on peoples faces after we talk and then they find out that i am 12 or 13 years older than they are ^.^ I just don't fit their profiles of what an older person should be like I suppose, and that's what I want. I want to be me, not what people think I should be because I am a certain age.

After the club we headed over to my friend Jennifers house where I made dinner for everybuddy. Delicious as always they say. Then we headed out to see Wall-E. OMG, I am soooo in love with that movie! How in the world could I have waited so long to see it!? My kids got to see it with my cousins Denise and Dennis, but I had to work on that day. Anyways, I got teary eyed at the end. Hehe I would have to just tell people I rubbed jalapeno juice in my eyes from the nachos if anyone would have asked lol. I really wish I could have seen that movie with Shar.

Which brings us to today! ^.^ I am looking very forward to going out Dancing tonight with my co workers! They are always inviting me out to go drinking on Saturdays but I never can because I would rather spend the time with my lil ones. But since is my me weekend I begged them to come out dancing with me. They weren't crazy about it at first, but they caved in pretty quickly. The only problem is that I had to pick the club, and I have no clue what is good in McAllen. I picked a place called Dubai's Bar and Grill. Its about a year old. I hope I choose well.

Childless Weekend

I have two wonderful children, Victoria and Johnny, whom I absolutely adore. Actually I have three because I count Gabriel too. But for now I get to see Tori and Johnny Friday afternoon through Sunday night. I have always been close with my children and have been there primary caregiver mostly since after Johnny was born and there mom distanced herself from us. When we separated I honestly thought it was a situation where they were coming with me, but it turned out otherwise. Since the separation there mom has completely turned around and has become the mother that they needed. I am extremely happy for that. I miss them terribly through the week and look forward to seeing them every Friday. However this Friday is Angie's birthday and she has asked to keep them for the weekend. At first I was a little sad at not seeing them, but then the though of a childless weekend started twirling in my head. I look at it as a chance to do things that I normally can't do. I have already made plans to go out with the girls from work, since they are always inviting me and I always turn them down because of my situation. I am looking forward to going out for margaritas and dancing and just having fun. Sometimes I forget that it's ok to have a little fun just for me. Its stems from my relationship with Angie and is something that I am working on fixing inside of me and am having very good progress with. I give most of this credit to Shar who has helped me to realize that it is totally ok to have me time. So here is to "me time" everbuddy. Its ok to take it. ^.^

Hello Everybuddy!

Well this is my first blog entry. I had originally signed on just so that I could have an account to place comments on other friends blogs. I am always a fan of "Dust Society", not just because she is my other half, but because of her ability to be able to place down feelings and thoughts into words is wonderful. Her dreams are something that's for sure. The real thing that drew me over the edge was the wonderful picture of her in "Where are the Bellhops?" blog. I just had to comment on how gorgeous she looked. So in order to do so I had to make this blog. But as I was creating it things started ticking inside me and the thought of me having my own blog to let me express feelings and thoughts started to actually sound really good and very fun. It all started with my blog title. Joy's Wonders and Gummi Bears. I thought about what I wanted to write about and share with everyone. There are so many little things that add up in our lives and i think that maybe being able to write about them will maybe help people see things differently in theirs as well as maybe just reminding me that even though times are not the greatest right now... they aren't bad either. Welcome to Joys, Wonders and Gummi Bears!