Reset.

I think after this weekend I know how a machine that goes bonkers and needs to be reset feels. If machines could feel..... damn dirty robots! (getting ready for terminator as you can tell) . It was weird how the ups and downs just came and went so fast. I finally feel purged though. At least i think I am. Something kept popping in my mind alot sunday.... its a picture of two planets circling around each other.... and i hear my voice saying...I don't want my world to revolve around you... I want our worlds to revolve around each other. I don't know why but it just kept flashing in my mind continually. Sooo vivid. Last night was also a reminder of all my friends that love me dearly. I had a wonderful support group with Becca, Erin and Cathy. And then there was my Shar. It's sickening kind of how so at ease I can feel after talking ot her. Scary a little. I love her dearly and am so thankful for her. I have been having problems sleeping at night. I actually inadvertantly asked shar to share some of her ambien to help me get my sleep back. Last night i was up to 3:30 again. With this being a weird weekend for me personaly, of course Angie sensed my weakness and jumped on me. Last night it was about how i need to give her praise for the job she is doing as a mother. How this came about out of "whats wrong with you" ... I have no idea. I felt like i quickly fell back into old patterns with her and i cursed myself. Later on though I realize that I have made steps in positive directions. I realized that I didn't actually give in to what she wanted. Yes it is still not settled but I did not say yes to her. This gives me some comfort. I am hoping to hear from the bosses soon when the store will be closing so I can visit Shar and Gabe. I miss them terribly. I am also looking so much forward to seeing Beth again to. She rocks and makes me smiles. As days go by though my much coveted day dreams of going to watch star trek in san fran is starting to fade into dreams never fullfilled land. Still, everything happens for a reason. Today I am strong. I am loved. I am wanted. I have been productive for others and for myself. I will get a run in to make my body and mind healthier. I will take a page from my love and take time for myself.